Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Review: Hansel & Gretel Get Baked (Spoiler Alert! My Review Gives Away The Ending!)
Tonight I saw the new movie, Hansel & Gretel Get Baked, a marijuana laced adaptation of the classic children's story Hansel & Gretel. It starred Michael Welch (of Twilight) as Hansel, Molly C. Quinn as Gretel, and Lara Flynn Boyle as the witch. The movie begins with Gretel's boyfriend Ashton (played by Andrew James Allen) bringing Gretel some weed called Black Forest which he got from the local drug dealer. Ashton and Gretel smoke the weed until they run out, and Ashton decides to go find more. Ashton calls the local drug dealer who texts him the address of the supposedly sweet old lady who gave him the Black Forest weed. When Ashton visits the old lady, she turns out to be a witch and captures him and proceeds to begin to cannibalize him. The weed turns out to be a trap to lure unsuspecting teenagers to her house so she can suck the lift out of them to become young again. When Ashton doesn't return home, Gretel and Hansel go to the witch's house looking for him, but she pretends he never came to her house. So Hansel & Gretel try asking the police for help, and the police provide no help or sympathy. In the meantime, the local drug dealer, Manny gets in trouble with his prior supplier for selling someone else's weed on turf that was spoken for. The supplier holds Manny at gunpoint and tells him to pass a message to the old lady that she would have to pay to sell drugs on his turf. Manny goes to the old lady's house to pass on the message and the witch uses his cell phone to text a threatening message to Manny's former supplier. She then chops of Manny's head. The supplier tries to go to the witch's house with two armed bodyguards, and she kills the supplier and one of the body guards and chases the other one into a cage and then she locks him in. Gretel meets up with Manny's girlfriend Bianca and the two decide to pay the old lady a visit. Bianca distracts the witch while Gretel breaks into the house and searches the basement for Ashton, who by now is clearly dead. Manny then surfaces as a zombie and tries to kill Gretel and the noise is heard by the witch, but Bianca tries to stop the witch and thinks she killed her by snapping her neck. Unfortunately this doesn't kill the witch it just slows her down. The witch ends up locking Gretel and Bianca up in the cage with the drug dealer's bodyguard and then sucks the life out of the bodyguard. In the meantime, Hansel finally reads Gretel's email message that she is going to the house to talk to the old lady. Hansel goes to the house and the witch captures him too and prepares to cannibalize him. Gretel and Bianca manage to escape the cage during this time, and they hear Hansel screaming. So they run to where Hansel is ties up and just like in the fairy tale, Gretel throws the evil witch into the oven to kill her. This was a very entertaining movie with a lot of black comedy, it was certainly a unique and very modern spin on the classic children's story. This is the first time I've seen Michael Welch in a movie other than the Twilight series and his performance was excellent. Below is the trailer for the movie and a link to their facebook page.